God has made it clear to me that I need to record His blessings and gifts of grace. Here you can share in those and share your thoughts as well.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Child of the King
Challenge to Prayer…Article #7
Deep in the misty green hills of Ireland long long ago there was a kingdom. One of the rules of the kingdom was that every prince and princess needed to spend a few years living with the ‘commoners’ so that they would know what life was like for those they would one day rule. At this time it was not uncommon for strangers and travelers to come into the kingdom and settle in for a while before moving on, and under this pretense the future royalty would one day show up in a small village to begin their pilgrimage into normal life.
One young prince was in the midst of his exploration when a corrupt governor came into power and began robbing and harassing the very village that he had settled into. Secretly, the village began sending ambassadors one by one to the king to inform him of the injustice that was destroying the village and their way of life. And one by one the ambassadors timidly approached the castle and were turned away by the kings attendants and advisors.
Yet the village did not lose hope and persisted in sending representatives to the king. Eventually the king’s very own son was chosen for the task. He began the long walk to the castle musing over how he would be received.
Upon reaching the drawbridge the guards demanded to know his business. The prince revealed his identity and was immediately shown into his fathers mighty throne room, by some very apologetic guards. Naturally the father listened with passion to his child’s request for help and justice. And naturally the father responded, bringing justice by force to the village.
…So often we approach the throne of grace timidly or feeling unworthy to ‘bother’ God with our requests. Let’s believe God when He declares us to be his beloved sons and daughters, and let us see him not only as king, but as father.
“So let us keep on coming with boldness to the throne of grace, so that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
---Hebrews 4:16
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
The King got up from his throne
This morning on my ride into work I had this amazing picture that gave me chills. I spent the next several minutes marveling and thinking on the implications of it. Imagine that God is a king. It's not that hard seeing that he is a king. Imagine him sitting on his throne, surrounded by a castle that is immaculate and orderly. The morning report comes in and he hears that his son's wife-to-be is in trouble her town is under siege. This future daughter-in-law, however, is only known to be of this status to him and his son. To everyone else she is simply a common citizen of his kingdom, which is vast. The king has ruled calmly and resolutely from his throne for years without leaving it vacant ever. Yet this news causes him great pain. And he does something no one expects.
He gets off his throne.
He stands up and resolves to personally fight this attack.
That image of a king rising for the sake of one person, it awes me. He got up and came to my defense. He actually made an effort on my behalf. Such power for such weakness.
Now, I'm not saying God actually left his rule and authority of the universe to become Jesus. No, he's three persons, he can remain on the throne and come down as a human, simultaneously. What I am saying is that he didn't have to do what he did. He didn't have to come to our rescue, he could have just sat there and been indifferent to our plight. But he didn't. And that's why I love him.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
The Jurisdiction of the Church
Many of the ideas I am about to express come from the above linked sermon.
The issue in America again, because of the recent election, is gay marriage. I agree with Mark Driscoll's opinion that the United States is not a church. The jurisdiction of the church does not extend beyond the 4 walls of the church to dictate what people should do. This does not mean we can't preach the gospel in love and hope that people come to a knowledge of the truth. However, telling someone that they can't be legally bound to their partner on the basis of Church authority, is a little like a Canadian mounty pulling you over on horse back and giving you a ticket. You wouldn't pay that ticket, because his laws don't apply to you. Or if someone knocked on your door and said "You're breaking some of the rules in the Q'uran." You'd tell them "I'm not on that team, I don't follow those rules."
So how can we expect people outside the church to follow our rules.
It's ok for us to get angry with other churches, but there is no way we're going to see progress if we argue with those outside of it.
The problem is Satan has tricked us into believing we're at war with these people. We're not. We are at war with him and he has taken them captive. By fighting them we're effectively shooting the prisoners, expecting it to slow the enemy's progress. It's actually their goal that we fight the prisoners, we're falling right into their trap.
We are to love God, love people in the church, and love people outside the church.
There is no way anyone is going to come into one of our churches if we're judging them before they're on the same team. They are captives to the enemy and are following his rules. All we'll do is confuse and deject people. The bible doesn't make any sense to them.
We are called to lovingly explain the gospel in a way that is understandable. We are to love and instruct our brothers and sisters in Christ to do the same. We are to be men and women who know who our enemy is and fight him, not the people he's enslaved.
Friday, October 3, 2008
7-20-08
Here is the reason I sit. I sit because I can’t be good. I sit here and type this journal because I know there is a better way. I have much to discuss with God and much inside me that needs to come out, but I haven’t a clue where to begin. So I sit and I type as a testament to my defeat. A testament to the things that have come to pass. I am a sinner saved by grace. Hook line and sinker. That’s it. There’s a chosen few who were blessed to bring the message of the gospel to those in the world who have never heard it before. God blesses a small number so that they can bless the rest. Therefore here I am as a blessed one who is supposed to bring the message of God to those who haven’t heard it before. And there I am at that junction that I hate, hate, hate to be at. The junction that apparently the rest of mankind has been around, resisting since the beginning. The junction of being sent out. The root cause of course is disobedience. And what did God just hours ago tell me to do. Obey him. He specifically asked me to obey him. And what have I done so far as my acts of obedience. Sin. So I’m stuck. I really am completely and utterly stuck. And no I’m not saying that to get God to help me. Or even because I’ve said it before and believed it to be true. It’s true that I believed it before and it was true before. But I always had inside my head a reason to go on. A thing that said “you don’t believe that do you?” That said, “No, you can still find a way to obey what God is saying to you on your own.” And there it is. ON YOUR OWN you can do nothing! I’ve heard this message before. But here I am trying to type my way out of a bottomless pit. Even typing will only make my mind more tired of trying to figure a way out of this. Obedience on your own will never work. Children try and fail many many many times. And what makes you think you’re anything greater than a child? Who said you could be anything greater? There is a pride in you David! A pride of figuring it out. Drop the pride and just believe in me! Drop the pretense of holiness that you so love to hold. Drop who you know you should be and die! Die, DIE! There must be a way through that thick skull of yours. YOU NEED TO DIE! Ok, God. Kill me then. Desecrate my self. Kill it kill it kill it and I will be free. For nothing is going to work unless you intervene. KILL ME GOD. I am willing to die for freedom from all these chains. What chains you ask? The chain of self love. The chain of self-preservation. The chain of ignorance. The chain of self-hate. The chain of self. The chain of deception. The chain of wrong desire. The chain of alone-ness. You are going to be made free David, once you want to be made free. Well God I want to be made free.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Philosphical Thoughts
"...God help me to articulate these thoughts. Time is an illusion perpetuated by our minds' ability to record on a medium, our brains, events that occur. On top of that physical objects follow predictable paths governed by dependable, constant laws that are expressed using the concept of time yet however do not in fact exist independently of a conscious observer. Now humans consciously observe many things including our own bodies and the objects around us. However when these things are not in observation they follow the previously mentioned laws yet are also in the constant observation of the omnipresent God. Therefore I propose that reality is not only created in origin by God but it is constantly sustained from not existing by the ever watchful eye of God. (In Him we live and move and have our being). Now prayer, I propose, is a strange mixture of time travel and conscious observation. By requesting something of God through faith we are placing ourselves in one of infinite alternative time-paths that God has set before us. As an example I posit Abraham, when God tested him in the sacrifice of Isaac. There was Abraham's faith and its very thought, word, and deed placed Abraham in the universe where a ram spent hours climbing a mountain and was subsequently caught in a thicket. God can use the natural laws that he instituted at creation to cause miracles. This is why nothing is impossible for God. He can at any moment shift all of your being into a time-path where the reality you have faith for is the one you inhabit. Retroactive, time constrained answers to prayer are entirely possible. Entire limbs can be restored by this mechanism. People's physically dead bodies can rise from death because there is no boundary for God between the universe where they're dead and the universe of natural laws and material exist where they're alive. Faith directs you personally into and out of these time paths for the purpose of revealing God's glory and his mastery over the material world."
"All of reality is being recorded in only three places. God's being, your being, and the material world itself. The rocks age and show successive bits of decay. The stars wain in brightness. Seas rise and fall. Our brain records a thought. All are material world recordings. Two copies of these things are being made, one in your spirit, of your conscious observation, the other in God's spirit of His conscious observation of everything. The only reason time is perceived to exist is because this world changes. To make sense of successive events we made a concept to measure and record "When" things happen. Much of our language is time laden. However, God and our spirits are independent of time. They exist somewhere else. Some"what" else I don't know. Our spirits are temporarily attached to these material bodies in this material world. What our spirit wants and what our bodies want are often two different things because they are in a competition for control of dominance. Many scriptures reflect this, namely Romans 7. Living by the spirit is actually an act of preventing our material components from being in control of our time independent spiritual core, which is immortal. Directing the free will toward the conscious observation of that which the spirit desires, and what God's spirit desires subsequently alters the material body. The body will eventually want what the spirit wants. In addition prayer and God's power to place us on a time-path where we are physically less addicted to something is there. He can accelerate the process if necessary."
Now of course falling asleep puts us in conscious observation of our internal thought processes which, thankfully, aren't powerful enough to cause anything in this reality to happen. Our dreams don't come true, at least not quickly. Also, I think somehow our brains internal processes that work whether we're thinking about them or not, also serve as a sort of "sustainability" to the reality of our bodies. In other words, we don't have to think about our heart beating for it to do so, in the same way, we don't have to consciously observe our fingernails for them to exist (and grow), it happens "naturally."
While I was typing this I started to think of the implications this has for more than just individuals. That it could just as easily happen for entire groups of people. That as a church prays for things to happen they all move in the time-path that God is giving them faith for. Which brings me to think "How" this could be the truth. If each time I think a certain way and God ordains that to be the "universe" I'm in, does everyone else come with me? Or am I alone in an alternate universe with sustained copies of everyone...weird!
Is everyone literally "in their own world"? Is that why it feels like that's the case quite often? Maybe God sustains the "background," so to speak, and allows us all to be in self-contained self-willed universes. And the reason why it's so difficult for people to become Christians is because they're really giving up so much more than just lives, their giving up their God gifted mastery of their universe! Of course they don't want to give that up! When we become Christians we're, moving from a dead-end, yet self-governed universe, to a glorious-end, God-willed one.
Redwood Growth
Now, what this video told me is that when they are allowed to grow in an urban environment, unopposed and unchecked they wreak havoc. They lift up the foundations of nearby buildings, they get into septic systems, and sometimes they fall. These huge, highly respected trees, fall. Why do they fall? Because their insides are hollow.
In their natural environment they are forced to grow at a pace that gives them time to form a structurally sound base. But out in the open, with plenty of water and sunlight, they can be dangerous. When they are cut down for lifting up a foundation, it is revealed that the base of the trees are riddled with gaps, huge hollow areas in their foundation.
This is such an amazing picture of a church, or a person that grows too quickly. They are structurally unsound, their doctrine isn't firm, their spirit is untested, un-weathered, and they are vulnerable to a fall.
I thank God that he has grown us, at Fenway Church slowly, at least by the world's standards. That it has taken us a few years to get going. Because without this period of preparation, our base wouldn't be able to hold the influx of people from the world. We would have been totally unprepared for the coming trials and crushing forces.
Praise God for his sovereign knowledge and preparation!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Ye Shall Know the Truth
Rev 19:16:"On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written:KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS."
On top of that he'll come riding with an army of white horsemen. If you show up to a battle arrayed in white you're pretty confident how the fight's going to go.
And reading about Hell, how it's foul odor is unbearable, how there's worms in it that eat and never die, how it will be forever and ever...all of this gave me a healthy respect for God's judgment again.
Have a listen guys.
Monday, September 1, 2008
The Good Samaritan
1 John 3:16: This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.
Not that giving a homeless guy something to eat is "laying down your life" but it is similar. And if you're doing acts of love like this continually, then you are continually laying down your lives for others.
Jesus did the same for us.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Through the Church
Now, after studying the second coming of Christ, I know that Jesus will not be removing us from the coming trials. This doesn't scare me like it used to. In fact, it excites me. Ephesians 3:10-13 says "His intent was that now, through the church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms, 11 according to his eternal purpose which he accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord. 12 In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence. 13 I ask you, therefore, not to be discouraged because of my sufferings for you, which are your glory."
Take notice of the words "through the church" because Art Katz pointed at those words to highlight that WE as a people will fulfill what God has made creation for. He put together this whole world, allowed it to develop its own system and autonomy, so that God's system and authority would be contrasted with it. That his truth and worldview would be gleaming and bright against the backdrop of this dark and perverse world system. And that "through the church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known" to the world, to the spirit world, to all creation. We are the instruments of his song on this earth, as I said in my previous post, and it will be heard everywhere.
Mr. Katz (not Harry) also conjectures that the second coming isn't just a chronological date but it may be a time set up based on what the church is doing. That if there is to be a second coming it won't come until the church has fulfilled its purposes. So HOW MUCH MORE should that encourage us to haste the coming of our Lord! Our obedience in This Generation can bring about the end (thank God) and usher in the Kingdom of Heaven in actuality, not just in spirituality. His call to the church has been the same throughout man's history, so why not continue it with the same urgency as our past brothers and sisiters.
I'm really excited by all this and I am more motivated than ever to not waste the time I have been allotted. If in my lifetime we all end up martyred for our faith in the United States, praise God! But failing that, there are countries in this world where it is already illegal to do the things we do. Let us imagine we are there, serving with those brothers and sisters, and give our lives an urgency that will make us faithful to our father. And if God directs us, let us actually go to those places!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Crucified with Christ
(The Message) Galatians 19-21What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn't work. So I quit being a "law man" so that I could be God's man. Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that.
Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God's grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily.
Here we are. Lowly Christians. Thinking we are something great, or worse, thinking we are supposed to be something great. I am a wretch! I am nothing! I am dust! Oh, God remind me of that daily. You are sovereign. You are HOLY! You are the all seeing, all knowing, all powerful, almighty GOD! Why do I presume to know anything, to see anything, to have control at all?
I plead with you God, come down! Come down and wash away this apathetic nature rooted so deeply in me. Wash away the disgusting garment of complacency that I wear. Come down and eliminate my need for the approval of men! The need for the gratitude of friends. The need for their praise and admiration over my love for you!
Grace us with a "called out-ness" like never before Lord. Father fill us with a need to separate ourselves from this world system. Father break us of our old ways, our old attitudes. Father make us so like you that Jesus is the only one we're even close to resembling. Abba, daddy I am lost in a sea of sin and I've known you and I miss you. I miss your presence Lord, so much that I'm crying right now to feel it again. I miss the beauty of your awesome love filling every word of my mouth. Abba! Abba! WE NEED YOU!
Why?
Because these are the last days. These are the last of the last days. The end has been near for 2,000 years and just as Art Katz said, if the disciples lived as though the end was immanent then HOW MUCH MORE should we?
We are on the cusp of needing every verse we've memorized, on the brink of needing every bill paid in full, on the edge of detaching from this world system in order to survive.
I admit I sound absolutely crazy right now. I think this is quite silly. But listen, what else is going to motivate you? What else is going to motivate me? Nothing but the immanence of God's kingdom. IT'S AT HAND! Jesus preached that everywhere. And we are to repeat this cry. The Kingdom of Heaven is at hand, repent and be saved!
Therfore, we are to live as though we are crucified with Christ. It is entirely necessary in the day we are in. Our lives are not our own and yet we live like they are. God is gracious to bless us with prosperity, jobs, houses, cars, but we need to be faithful to live for His Kingdom, not our own. With our actions, decisions and lives, not just our thoughts, words, and hearts.
The internal cry is LIFE ABUNDANT (John 10:10) eternal life (John 3:16) because to live is Christ and to die is gain. That internal cry needs to become an external action that moves us, that forces us to be a called out people. TO BE A CHURCH! With all our might! With all our strength, with all our earthly wealth.
What does this look like?
Practically speaking: make new decisions. Consider what you have now, what things aren't necessary? What can be removed? What can be changed quickly? What can be changed over 5 years? Getting out of debt? Moving to a smaller house? Selling some of your junk or luxeries?
Also, what should you be doing to prepare? Memorize scripture! So fill your heart with God's word that it sustains you when your bible is illegal.
All of this is very radical talk but I don't think it's too radical as to not be practical. I'm not saying the end is in 1 year, or even 10. But wouldn't it be nice to be prepared? God is motivating his people.
We are the instruments of his song on this earth. The tools of his harvest in this world. Let us not be dull or out of tune, but FULLY READY to proclaim, shout, and magnify the cry coming from the Holy Spirit now. Repent and be baptized for the kingdom of heaven is at hand!
Friday, June 20, 2008
Quit hanging out at the gate!
13"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
John10:7-10
7Therefore Jesus said again, "I tell you the truth, I am the gate for the sheep. 8All who ever came before me were thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them. 9I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved.[a] He will come in and go out, and find pasture. 10The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
The way to Heaven is a narrow way. The door to the Kingdom of Heaven is a narrow gate. Jesus states plainly that he is the gate and that all must enter through Him.
Well, last night I clearly heard God saying to me "Quit hangin' out at the gate!" Meaning, "Quit sitting there where you first came to know Christ, and ENTER the Kingdom of Heaven."
No more excuses, no more half-surrender, no more verbal submission. Only proclamations, full-surrender, physical submission, complete laying down of my life.
How?
Ask, Seek, Knock.
I ask the Spirit to guide me
I seek Jesus and the narrow way He set for us in his teachings and life.
I knock on the door of heaven until it's open so wide it's hitting the wall it's hanging on.
All I am, Jesus, for your Kingdom's cause.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
What is Revival? (John Piper's words)
When I pray for revival my first prayer is Lord pour out your spirit in such a way that your people desire Christ more than they desire anything. Pour out your spirit in such a way that we are disentangled from the world and radically devoted and full of allegiance to Jesus more than we want anything in this world (a wedding, retirement, a child, a new job). Make us Love you Father, that's revival. Revival is not first miracles, like gifts of healing, it's not first prophetic utterances, it's not first speaking in tongues as precious as those things are. Revival is first a white hot love for Jesus Christ. That makes you ready to die gladly at any moment. And leave EVERYTHING behind for the surpassing worth of gaining Christ, that's revival.
It is possible to love the gift of healing and to love health more than we love going to be with Christ. It is possible to have the gift of prophecy and to have it and crave pornography more than we crave the second coming. It is possible to speak in tongues and to love your gold rings and your $1200 suits and your $40,000 cars more than you love the gain of death. Therefore never is it first those things in praying for revival, it's always first take out the heart of stone and make it a heart of flesh so that we love Christ more than ANYTHING. That leaving everything here if we might just gain Christ would be all our joy, that's revival.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
God's Voice
No cars behind, no cars in front, nothing but blackness and that pool of light.
I drive back into the right lane, signaling to no one. About 200 yards down the road, in the median, in total seclusion, headlights dead, inside lights off, a state trooper. "Wow" I say, "Wow, God so that's what you sound like? I've always known your voice, but I don't think I thought it was yours."
This taught me a couple things. 1. Obey the traffic laws no matter what time of night it is. 2. And more importantly, listen for the prompting of the Spirit. Also, I like the spiritual picture of a dark highway with only headlights as vision. The path that God puts us on often times is a journey of obedience, with only the next step in sight. Whereas the path we try to get ourselves on is one where we can see for miles and know every turn ahead. How boring that is!
Knowing God's voice is the main lesson and the main goal of any believer. To hear it when you're on the street talking to a homeless person. To hear it when you're talking to a friend, when you're in line at a store, when you're alone in your car. When you're reading your bible. God gives us a taste of his presence and a whiff of his scent so we know he's near and we know what turn is next.
This morning during prayer we discovered through Chris Bressoud's insights that following God really is pretty simple. Like a tree our job is simply to soak in the illumination, the sunlight, of the Word and drink in the water of the Spirit. By being, not doing, we bear fruit. Of course we will be doing things left and right when we first seek the kingdom and God's teachings. But it's not our doing that makes us BE the way God intends us to be. It's our being that moves us to do what God is prompting.
Therefore, wait, watch, listen, and read. Mix this with obedience. You'll grow and bear fruit.
God bless.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
New Goals
I'm very hopeful that it will create an atmosphere of efficiency in my life.
That is all.
Sweet, one more goal met! (I want to write in my blog daily)
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
State of mind
This post is thus far devoid of spiritual benefit to anyone reading, but I think that's alright. What I think I want to write here is this, that life is amazing, that God is everywhere, that Jesus was super intelligent in every sense, and that the world is our canvas.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Poem I wrote from awhile back
A metamorphosis of course of which I can't hold back the reins
When all you have is words
When all you can give is time
A chariot rot with care and craft will carry it
A patriot of old for God and country will tarry not
To be the brave bearer of burdens of companions
Large and small
To rage within for the cause
To fight against tragic loss
A symbol of grace that fights for the whole human race
Through my God I will be
In and through that grace you will see
For the remainder
I will be no stranger
To the pain that Christ bore
In the rain battling for
The souls of those who make it a point to be
Not found
Underground
without sound
nowhere around
Eating dust
Craving lust
Judging unjust
Oh we all must
Be spurred we must
Spread the word we must
Get the unction
Learn to function
For soon that horrid thought
Oh that putrid thought
Will be real
The thought of the picture of the words
that is formed in my head
When someone will lecture the words
that are born for the dead
The words too late
Too late
Too late
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
The nature of reality
Now since we and everything around us are made up of atoms, if you were smaller than an electron you would pretty much be passing through empty space, all the time.
The next thing that kind of hits me after I start thinking about this is that matter is essentially compressed energy. Because of Einstein we know that E = mc^2. If you do some algebra you get m = E/c^2 or Mass = energy divided by the squared speed of light! So to me that means that matter is just energy or light slowed down by a factor of 186,000 miles per hour, squared or 34.6 billion times.
This might all be completely bogus but think about it a little, if God made light, then he could make solid stuff out of it.
So this gets me to the point that freaks me out. We're all just floating around on pretty much nothing. The only reason we don't fall through the floor or pass through objects is because everything around us is the same size as us and so we bump into it. We can open doors, walk on the ground, stay on the earth, touch people, all because of interacting electron clouds! We're basically floating around in and made up of solid light/energy/waves. Stuff that's slowed down enough to bump into other stuff.
If God hadn't congealed all this light we wouldn't have been able to interact with each other. We wouldn't be able to talk to anyone, or see anything, or move around.
The implications of this are amazing. We have been given the gift of a world that can be manipulated by the thoughts and actions we take for granted. With this matter around us that is basically nothing but clumps of light, we have an entire lifetime to use it for how God wants us to. There's no way we would exist without him, we too are made of nothing but this dust he formed. So what better way to thank him than honoring his will in being kind to one another, for we are here today and gone tomorrow.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Sensitive and blessed
I am perpetually blessed by God even when I don't ask him to. Over the course of the last two weeks I have seen how God has taken me from really low to really loving him. More and more I understand that being loved and receiving love are two different things.
God loves me all the time, I don't receive it all the time.
One thing I've learned about feelings is that when you look forward and up while in a valley all you can see is the mountain, but when you're at the top you're able to look down and back and see everything. While in a low point I am never able to see that I will ever feel anything but low. While in a high place I wonder why I ever thought I wouldn't be happy again.
Feelings tell the truth only of the present. Wisdom tells the truth of all times, hence why it's hard for us to gain wisdom from single instances of pain or pleasure. We can only see what's here and now, here and now. God can see what's ahead and therefore know the truth of all times.
From a comment, a friend pointed out that God IS love. He be's love. Therefore him loving himself, loving Jesus and by extension loving us, is a matter of being, not a matter of choice. He IS and because he is, he loves us. God can't love something that isn't pure. Jesus made us pure. We're in Jesus. He loves himself, he loves Jesus, he loves us. It's a positional thing, a location, not an action. No amount of action moves that location in Jesus. We are in Christ therefore we are loved.
Also, I am sensitive. I realized this today. I've known it for a long time and it has been a weakness I never liked. However I think I've found a very wonderful purpose for it. In fact there are many purposes it serves. My sensitivity makes it hard for me to like alcohol, so I don't drink, or get drunk very much, which means my brain remains clear. My sensitivity makes me feel others' feelings, therefore I am more compassionate and can help heal hearts. My sensitivity makes me open to God's voice and his spirit, therefore I can hear the music he wants me to write, the words he wants me to say, the thoughts he wants me to put down.
My sensitivity is a blessing as much as I view it as a weakness. It's the grace God has blessed me with to never be able to shut my ears or my eyes to suffering. To never be able to ignore pain in others. To not despise the beauty around me. To not be so focused on just me or my world. I'm all ears, eyes, nose, mouth, and hands. I can feel because I'm sensitive to the air around me. So I will embrace that and thank God for it. Because without it, I wouldn't be who I am.