For the longest time, I've been undisciplined and unstructured. I love structure though. I love things to be organized and neat, but I hate making them that way. Structure, as in a set schedule, a weekly routine, keeps me disciplined but I've never been able to find a way to be comfortable doing this with God. I've always chalked this up to the enemy distracting me with the world, so I don't build a relationship with God. In some ways I think that is what is going on, but I think there is also an element of God not wanting to be put in a box. (He was in one for awhile in the desert with the people of Abraham, he doesn't like that anymore).
Where does this leave me? I think I'm left with only the option to be ever mindful. To always be listening. To always be talking. God is everywhere present and every-when with us, so everywhere and every-when I can be refilled. Jesus most certainly spent time alone, in the early morning, to be with his father, but he also spent a lot of time with people, teaching and healing. Therefore, I should be with people, teaching and healing, and only recharge when necessary, when I'm empty.
God can only fill an empty vessel.
So however much I long for a schedule, maybe I need simply to open my ears and open my eyes to find places to give away my blessings.
Holy spirit, open the eyes of my heart, open the ears of my heart. Be in my way.