Hi. I've been not posting for almost a month now and well, I guess the name of this blog has sort of lost it's meaning. It's been a long day if this is suddenly a "blessed morning."
I am perpetually blessed by God even when I don't ask him to. Over the course of the last two weeks I have seen how God has taken me from really low to really loving him. More and more I understand that being loved and receiving love are two different things.
God loves me all the time, I don't receive it all the time.
One thing I've learned about feelings is that when you look forward and up while in a valley all you can see is the mountain, but when you're at the top you're able to look down and back and see everything. While in a low point I am never able to see that I will ever feel anything but low. While in a high place I wonder why I ever thought I wouldn't be happy again.
Feelings tell the truth only of the present. Wisdom tells the truth of all times, hence why it's hard for us to gain wisdom from single instances of pain or pleasure. We can only see what's here and now, here and now. God can see what's ahead and therefore know the truth of all times.
From a comment, a friend pointed out that God IS love. He be's love. Therefore him loving himself, loving Jesus and by extension loving us, is a matter of being, not a matter of choice. He IS and because he is, he loves us. God can't love something that isn't pure. Jesus made us pure. We're in Jesus. He loves himself, he loves Jesus, he loves us. It's a positional thing, a location, not an action. No amount of action moves that location in Jesus. We are in Christ therefore we are loved.
Also, I am sensitive. I realized this today. I've known it for a long time and it has been a weakness I never liked. However I think I've found a very wonderful purpose for it. In fact there are many purposes it serves. My sensitivity makes it hard for me to like alcohol, so I don't drink, or get drunk very much, which means my brain remains clear. My sensitivity makes me feel others' feelings, therefore I am more compassionate and can help heal hearts. My sensitivity makes me open to God's voice and his spirit, therefore I can hear the music he wants me to write, the words he wants me to say, the thoughts he wants me to put down.
My sensitivity is a blessing as much as I view it as a weakness. It's the grace God has blessed me with to never be able to shut my ears or my eyes to suffering. To never be able to ignore pain in others. To not despise the beauty around me. To not be so focused on just me or my world. I'm all ears, eyes, nose, mouth, and hands. I can feel because I'm sensitive to the air around me. So I will embrace that and thank God for it. Because without it, I wouldn't be who I am.