Wednesday, April 25, 2007

The nature of reality

One day I learned that the relative size of the nucleus of an atom to it's electrons is huge. There's a ton of empty space between the center and the electron cloud floating around it's outer edge. If an atom were the size of a stadium the nucleus would be a small marble in the center of it. If it were the size of the earth an electron would be less than 10 cm in size.

Now since we and everything around us are made up of atoms, if you were smaller than an electron you would pretty much be passing through empty space, all the time.

The next thing that kind of hits me after I start thinking about this is that matter is essentially compressed energy. Because of Einstein we know that E = mc^2. If you do some algebra you get m = E/c^2 or Mass = energy divided by the squared speed of light! So to me that means that matter is just energy or light slowed down by a factor of 186,000 miles per hour, squared or 34.6 billion times.

This might all be completely bogus but think about it a little, if God made light, then he could make solid stuff out of it.

So this gets me to the point that freaks me out. We're all just floating around on pretty much nothing. The only reason we don't fall through the floor or pass through objects is because everything around us is the same size as us and so we bump into it. We can open doors, walk on the ground, stay on the earth, touch people, all because of interacting electron clouds! We're basically floating around in and made up of solid light/energy/waves. Stuff that's slowed down enough to bump into other stuff.

If God hadn't congealed all this light we wouldn't have been able to interact with each other. We wouldn't be able to talk to anyone, or see anything, or move around.

The implications of this are amazing. We have been given the gift of a world that can be manipulated by the thoughts and actions we take for granted. With this matter around us that is basically nothing but clumps of light, we have an entire lifetime to use it for how God wants us to. There's no way we would exist without him, we too are made of nothing but this dust he formed. So what better way to thank him than honoring his will in being kind to one another, for we are here today and gone tomorrow.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Sensitive and blessed

Hi. I've been not posting for almost a month now and well, I guess the name of this blog has sort of lost it's meaning. It's been a long day if this is suddenly a "blessed morning."

I am perpetually blessed by God even when I don't ask him to. Over the course of the last two weeks I have seen how God has taken me from really low to really loving him. More and more I understand that being loved and receiving love are two different things.

God loves me all the time, I don't receive it all the time.

One thing I've learned about feelings is that when you look forward and up while in a valley all you can see is the mountain, but when you're at the top you're able to look down and back and see everything. While in a low point I am never able to see that I will ever feel anything but low. While in a high place I wonder why I ever thought I wouldn't be happy again.

Feelings tell the truth only of the present. Wisdom tells the truth of all times, hence why it's hard for us to gain wisdom from single instances of pain or pleasure. We can only see what's here and now, here and now. God can see what's ahead and therefore know the truth of all times.

From a comment, a friend pointed out that God IS love. He be's love. Therefore him loving himself, loving Jesus and by extension loving us, is a matter of being, not a matter of choice. He IS and because he is, he loves us. God can't love something that isn't pure. Jesus made us pure. We're in Jesus. He loves himself, he loves Jesus, he loves us. It's a positional thing, a location, not an action. No amount of action moves that location in Jesus. We are in Christ therefore we are loved.

Also, I am sensitive. I realized this today. I've known it for a long time and it has been a weakness I never liked. However I think I've found a very wonderful purpose for it. In fact there are many purposes it serves. My sensitivity makes it hard for me to like alcohol, so I don't drink, or get drunk very much, which means my brain remains clear. My sensitivity makes me feel others' feelings, therefore I am more compassionate and can help heal hearts. My sensitivity makes me open to God's voice and his spirit, therefore I can hear the music he wants me to write, the words he wants me to say, the thoughts he wants me to put down.

My sensitivity is a blessing as much as I view it as a weakness. It's the grace God has blessed me with to never be able to shut my ears or my eyes to suffering. To never be able to ignore pain in others. To not despise the beauty around me. To not be so focused on just me or my world. I'm all ears, eyes, nose, mouth, and hands. I can feel because I'm sensitive to the air around me. So I will embrace that and thank God for it. Because without it, I wouldn't be who I am.